1 is exercising, another would be getting a job, and also going outside, doing yoga, practicing dance... NONE of those things I can do right now...
My health is really poor... I'm also poor as in poverty...
I can't even eat food...
So, my only outlet, when I'm awake, is to vent it on either FB, or twitter...
Fine, whatever... you think I'm pathetic... but, when ur in trouble, I'm not gonna be the one behind ur back mocking u.
Anyways, here's some excerpts from my FB statuses I posted today:
Another really crappy day. Humanity (in Boston) disappoints me.
Yet another bad day.
This is starting to be like a daily theme with me, not 1 I want, nor am proud of.
I wish today went like this:
Today was the most lovely & wonderful day ever!
Perfect weather! I'm with the 1 true love soul mate love of my life, I won the lottery, I'm miracle cured of all illnesses, moving back to PA, starting my new life, and going to a spa tonight! Plus, I lost 50 lbs!
Um.... nope... that DEFINITELY DID NOT HAPPEN TODAY....
Let's see... did positive thinking, kind heart, and "good energy" work today?
Turns out it didn't...
*ques the music* Welcome to the unlucky nearly edge of the Twilight Zone... *bongos*
Are u not entertained?
No, seriously... I'm starting to think I'm just unlucky...
Not, only am I in pain, uncomfortable, and drugged up each, day, the consistency of it working isn't very regular...
Oh, and since I'm on the subject of bad luck, how bout I just shout this out turrets-like, since everyone already assumes I'm nuts-zoid?
OK, here goes:
Impacted stools!
Constipation sucks!
Hemorrhoids! Blood-bloody-bleeding!
(of course I denounce & reject myself if I'm friend w people whom r real diagnosed patients of turrets... not, make fun of u, tho'...)
So.... today... how did that go?
Well, for starters... pain, pain, more swelling and pain....
So, since I tried on Wed to call in the prescription, which I coudln't think of since I was, of you know..... DRUGGED UP, when I was at the Doc's office on Tuesday, Li says he'd rather get it done on Wed... he hates, traffic... so do I...
So, I call Wed, then, they tell me to call on Thursday "to call it in" which confuses me, because I thought I had to go pick it up... Percosets we're talking about...
Mind, u I also have IBS, and, opiates make u constipated to start with... and, by then, I got impacted... (No, I'm not explaining what that means, if u can't figure it out... and, dealing w/that was VERY humiliating, no-thank you very much) I'm NOT being a jerk on the phone, I'm actually kinda slow, and I can;t hear especially well...
I frustrate easily tho'.
So, Thursday comes, and I honestly HATE calling them... I hate dealing with them... the main medical assistant named Rene is this chick with a Boston attitude that is often condescending, and interrupts me while I'm speaking, shows no sympathy nor empathy, often repeats the same long talking points over and, over, and says she'll answer my questions but never really listens to me. In the process of my answering her, or asking her for help, which by law she must do, she's not only in violation of my rights, disrespectful & rude, as I'm talking she starts to talk over me, interrupt, or cut me off, and as I'm still in the middle of talking, she has the nerve to say "Let me finish."
She says to me: Why did you call today, the doctor is in surgery all day?
So, then, WHY did you guys TELL ME to call "ON THURSDAY"?
Then, she says she'll call me back, and "call something in"...
The whole day, no return call, no nothing...
Don't they realize they just handed me a WHOLE LIST of my patients' rights & responsibilities?
It's Friday.
I call in this morning,
Same deal, the receptionist passes me to Rene the medical assistant, who acts like she has no idea what I'm talking about. I ask her Why she didn't call me back.
She says the doctor is busy. But, she'll call something in. We get to the pharmacist, but the pharmacist says that medical assistant is lying, because she doesn't have the license nor authority to call in oxycodones over the phone.
So, understandable so... I'm not only miserable to start with, I'm grouchy, irritable, etc.
I pick up the phone, cause Li tells me to call them. And, This time when the receptionist answers, I figure since she's the only person that's been nice, she's at least help me out. But, I said: Look: can you just help me? I'm tired of being talking down to in this condescending, dismissive way, with this Boston additive, and I've already called every day, and this is the LAST day this week I can get this prescription until Monday.
So, she puts me on hold, and tells me she's gonna put me on with Rene.
Finally Rene tells me she's going to "call it in" and asks AGAIN for the pharmacist address? WTF?
Then, she says she'll call me back...
So, by the time it's lunch time, she calls me and she says I have to go drive all the way there, pick up the prescription paper in person.
WTF? WHY didn't we do this ON WEDNESDAY???
So, Li finishes his lunch, and we go.
I feel terrible, I'm sure I look terrible.... I'm not exactly thrilled to see me, when I look at my own mirror....
I get there, and look, I'm COLD. The weather is erratic, and even when it's warm (which today wasn't exactly warm) I get chills, and I start coughing... plus, my nose is infected again... on the left side, with dark blood slowly oozing out.... So, I walk around covered in a blanket, shawls, thick scarves, etc.
I walk into the office, and this blond chick talking to the main receptionist turns her head to look at me, then walks away... I'm sick, & paranoid, so I'm thinking maybe it's me... but, then my rational mind tells me I'm probably just imagining it because I'm so aggravated with the dealing with my recovery and thus these folks... Ok... so, I just tell myself, I'm just imagining it... fine, shrug it off...
So, since, by now we're on first name terms it would seem, I tell the receptionist I need to pick-up my prescription from Rene, and ask if it's ready.
She hollers for Rene, and she says she'll go write it now...
then, the receptionist tell me (and Li) to have a seat & wait...
So, I sit there, and wait... the entire waiting room was empty... and it was an awkward feeling to me...
But, then, this odd silence hovers over... and after what feels like 2-3 min, the receptionist awkwardly closes the glass window... and they're acting what appears to be strange to me...
But, what do I know? I'm the drugged-up, disgruntled, patient? I'm probably just imagine it... right?
Another min passes and Rene comes to bring me my paper prescription, this time actually being nice to me. I'm acting nice to her, but inside my mind, my ego is wanting to bark at her... but, I put such immature foolishness aside...
So, Li & I get up and leave.
As we're exiting the door, Li says to me (in English) that he thinks those women were trash talking me behind the window.
So, am I NOT imagining this?
This is the kind of stuff I utterly resented about my ex-co-workers at the bank. They would mock some of their customers, and several of them (the customers) knew about it, and would confront them to their face.
I can see why so many people, like my mother, whom is manic depression HATES dealing with the medical system... it's like an abusive helper. *reluctant sigh*
I think back to the 80s... and dealing with medical people wasn't like this ever.
This is supposed to be an office of a high amount of patient relations awards... Why is it that when things slip through the cracks, its poured on top of me?
Or... is this sort of thing just something that frequently occurs? Are the so desensitized to their own shenanigans? (Or am I just jumping to conclusions?)
Dealing with this whole predicament on several levels has not been easy.
For one, I'm using pain medications on a daily basis, so YES, my thinking is not 100% clear throughout the day. I often space-out, or even pass-out. Either from pain, or from the drugs.
I'm also VERY dependent on others. I honestly HATE this.
I, personally, NEVER hold it against someone in need or in trouble when I help them, I NEVER act disgusted or frustrated with them, even if what I'm helping them with if stinky, disgusting, gross, unpleasant, embarrassing, humiliating, or revolting. I'm a human being, I have empathy, and respect, and I treat others, ESPECIALLY DIRECTLY, with dignity.
I hate being helpless, and powerless. Just like when I got raped.
And, when I speak-up, or ask for help, I hate to be made to feel like I'm whining, or just complaining for attention. I don't even like calling those people for help.
I don't like asking for help from anyone at all.
Ironic, because I'm the type of person that helps everyone, or people frequently need me to help them...
Even as I'm very sick right now, the past several days, people have come to me on twitter asking me for help with this or that thingy...
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